Breakfast at Tiffany's – Because I Do Not Know

BaT Visitor No. 7,000

BaT hits a milestone shortly before 5 p.m. today: visitor No. 7,000. Special recognition to Dave over at Higher Powered, who referred the visitor from Houston. (They love me at Pappasito's, by the way. Ed: They say that to everyone.)

Is it appropriate to congratulate Dave when the referral is possibly himself? Sure it is. Thanks, Dave, and to everyone else who humors me by reading this site -- and sometimes commenting.

Now on to some politics ...

4 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:42 PM
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Why Joe Lieberman Should Be President -- But Never Will Be

U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman, D-Conn., visits Iraq and reports back on what he found via The Wall Street Journal:

I have just returned from my fourth trip to Iraq in the past 17 months and can report real progress there. More work needs to be done, of course, but the Iraqi people are in reach of a watershed transformation from the primitive, killing tyranny of Saddam to modern, self-governing, self-securing nationhood -- unless the great American military that has given them and us this unexpected opportunity is prematurely withdrawn.

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It is a war between 27 million and 10,000; 27 million Iraqis who want to live lives of freedom, opportunity and prosperity and roughly 10,000 terrorists who are either Saddam revanchists, Iraqi Islamic extremists or al Qaeda foreign fighters who know their wretched causes will be set back if Iraq becomes free and modern. The terrorists are intent on stopping this by instigating a civil war to produce the chaos that will allow Iraq to replace Afghanistan as the base for their fanatical war-making. We are fighting on the side of the 27 million because the outcome of this war is critically important to the security and freedom of America. If the terrorists win, they will be emboldened to strike us directly again and to further undermine the growing stability and progress in the Middle East, which has long been a major American national and economic security priority.

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The leaders of Iraq's duly elected government understand this, and they asked me for reassurance about America's commitment. The question is whether the American people and enough of their representatives in Congress from both parties understand this. I am disappointed by Democrats who are more focused on how President Bush took America into the war in Iraq almost three years ago, and by Republicans who are more worried about whether the war will bring them down in next November's elections, than they are concerned about how we continue the progress in Iraq in the months and years ahead.

Here is an ironic finding I brought back from Iraq. While U.S. public opinion polls show serious declines in support for the war and increasing pessimism about how it will end, polls conducted by Iraqis for Iraqi universities show increasing optimism. Two-thirds say they are better off than they were under Saddam, and a resounding 82% are confident their lives in Iraq will be better a year from now than they are today. What a colossal mistake it would be for America's bipartisan political leadership to choose this moment in history to lose its will and, in the famous phrase, to seize defeat from the jaws of the coming victory.

Somebody, anybody, please explain why this man continually is dismissed by his party? Five years ago, when Bush-Cheney took on Gore-Lieberman, I made this statement: "In both cases, the ticket is upside down. The vice presidential candidates should be the presidential candidates." I remained convinced I was right.

Lieberman '08? Nah, when he speaks, he sounds like a lecturing history professor. He's not very attractive, and he doesn't have much hair. He didn't marry a billionaire or have a famous father. He rarely lets party politics dictate what he says. He's honest to a fault.

In other words, he's overqualified. Oh, where have you gone Scoop Jackson?

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:21 PM
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McCain For President?

Mickey Kaus points to this OpinionJournal interview with U.S. Sen. John McCain, the Republican from Arizona. It asks -- and seeks to answer -- "Just who is John McCain?" The answer: a modern-day Teddy Roosevelt. Some highlights:

When I ask Mr. McCain if he's a conservative, he seems slightly agitated at having to defend his credentials in this way. "Hell yes, I'm a conservative. When it comes to a strong defense and smaller government, I'm as conservative it gets. Look at my National Taxpayers Union rating. I'm near 100% every year." (I do. He is.) Then he fumes: "I'm so disgusted with the way my party is wasting money. It's an embarrassment."

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Yet Mr. McCain holds the most eclectic set of economic policy positions of any politician I've ever met. He seems to defy political typecasting, reveling in the role of maverick. He voted against the Bush tax cuts ("Way too tilted to the rich"), while supporting antigrowth initiatives to combat global warming ("Climate change is just a huge problem that really needs to be confronted"), and is the lead sponsor--with Sen. Ted Kennedy--of a guest worker program to allow immigrants to enter the country legally. ... On the other hand, he's a fierce defender of free trade and a champion of school choice.

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Throughout our chat he has referred to Theodore Roosevelt in almost reverential terms and glows when I ask about him. He calls TR "my hero . . . and one of our greatest presidents," and at one point he excitedly searches through his briefcase and pulls out a book that he is reading on the famously tumultuous election of 1912. That was when TR bolted from the Republican Party (which Mr. McCain concedes was "a mistake") and formed the Bull Moose Party to dethrone William Taft. When I mention TR's trust-busting (which was mostly counterproductive economically), Mr. McCain really comes to life, exultantly points his finger in the air, smiles and cries out: "He called the trusts 'the malefactors of wealth.' "

And in this very moment it becomes clear to me that John McCain aspires to be a modern-day TR. The similarities are unmistakable: Both were war heroes, mavericks within their own party, reformers and defenders of the little guy.

The article concludes with my current opinion of John McCain: He's interesting to have around, but perhaps a little too rash to hold the highest office in the land. And he has the downside of only having legislative experience (serving in the House before election in the Senate) and no executive branch background, which tend to speak more clearly to Americans than those lost in the Great Halls of Parliamentary Debate. JFK was the last sitting senator to be elected president. LBJ and Nixon were U.S. senators, but also had stints in the Executive Branch as vice president -- as did former Congressman George H.W. Bush.

Also, if McCain decides to run in 2008, he would be 72 -- two years older than Ronald Reagan when he was elected to his first term. On top of sheer age, McCain has been treated for skin cancer three times (the last in 2002). He has often been called a RINO (Republican in Name Only). But his critics overlook his very strong pro-life stance, as well as his support of teaching "intelligent design" and votes for the Iraq War and against the current President Bush's Medicare drug benefit.

On the other hand, he voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment, and did not support the Bush tax cuts. I was unable to find any discussion of gay issues on Senator McCain's official Web site (surprise!), but there is this stirring eulogy he gave to 9-11 hero Mark Bingham.

2008 will be an interesting race to watch, and the heavy jockeying will begin the day after the 2006 midterm elections, which are now less than a year off. It will also be interesting to watch whether McCain can gain wider appeal -- or have a Howard Dean-like meltdown thanks to his well-known temper.

I have to admit, McCain vs. Hillary would be one helluva good time for political junkies.

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:19 PM
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Those Wacky Straights

Proving the sanctity of marriage survives despite threats to it by "the gays," another storybook romance thrives. Or not.

Ending more than a year of break-up rumors, "Newlyweds" Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have officially decided to call it quits, ET has confirmed.

"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," the couple said in a statement Wednesday. "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

Wow, three years. Give them a gold star. Hell, I've had headaches that lasted longer. Let's take this opportunity to examine some of the stated arguments against gay marriage and compare them with today's posterchildren, Nick and Jessica.

1. Marriage is between a man and a woman. Well, as best we can tell, Nick is a man and Jessica is a woman (albeit it a mostly silicon one). Score one for the straight couple. But, then again, there were numerous reports that more than one man and one woman were involved in this relationship. I do believe "to have and to hold" refers only to the person you marry -- not the hottie you meet in Vegas. Let's call it 50-50.

JessNick No-Gay-Marriage Argument Score: 5 out of 10 points.

2. A same-sex marriage is not the best environment to raise children. Nick and Jessica at least were smart enough to not have children -- or at least not any we know about together. Nick looks like the player type, so he probably has at least one bastard kid roaming around Kansas or whatever venue his crappy band use to play. But these two do have a child together, and they'll be divorced by New Year's.

JessNick No-Gay-Marriage Argument Score: 1.

3. Gay marriage is immoral. So is eating shellfish. Nick and Jessica are insignificant to this argument. Then again, they are insignificant to most arguments.

JessNick No-Gay-Marriage Argument Score: 2.

4. Marriage is for procreation. No kids -- thankfully -- mean Nick and Jessica should have absolved this marriage long ago. Well, except for that TV contract and steady MTV paychecks. That does account for something.

JessNick No-Gay-Marriage Argument Score: 4.

5. Same-sex marriage threatens the "institution" of straight marriage. No, I think the straight folks are handling that on their own just fine. Besides, the queers have done more for straight marriage than the straights themselves. Florists? Gay. Wedding directors? Gay. Caterers? Gay. Church music directors? Gay. Need I go on?

JessNick No-Gay-Marriage Argument Score: Minus-62.

So there you have it: Nick and Jessica, we the homosexuals thank you for your fine example of how committed relationships work. We thank you for the many children you've brought into this world to ensure mankind's continuation. Most of all, we thank you for being a man and a woman. That's apparently the only qualification you have over us.

See you next year, Jessica. See you next year, Nick. By this time in 2006, here's guessing you're both on marriage (and mutual separation) No. 2.

P.S. Trent over on Pink Is The New Blog alerts us that Talan has sobered up and his engagement to one of Rod Stewart's 48 children (at least her mother was actually married to him) is off. Note to Talan: Call Tommy Tooth. You obviously missed his pointed instructions that you need to actually marry her for it to be a beard.

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:38 PM
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Cocktail of the Week -- Let's Get These Holidays Started Edition

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Now that people are starting fights while remembering Jesus Christ's birth and the media remains in the Stone Age by forgetting that many people shop online, I guess it is offically the Christmas/whatever-holiday-you-celebrate season.

And what better way to remember these holiest of days than with a little nip. For the next month, BaT will be sharing some alcoholic ways to make your party a little more lively or the stress a little less. We'll kick it off with a Christmas morning ice-breaker: The Holiday Cheer.

Ingredients

1 bottle of champagne
1 can frozen cranberry juice (note frozen)
1 lime

Instructions

Mix the champagne and frozen, undiluted cranberry juice. Slice lime and garnish each wine glass. Serve with breakfast to start the day right. Mix right before serving to retain the bubbles. Dave and friends (or others who do not partake) may use nonalcoholic champagne.

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 4:41 PM
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Pat Morita, 1932-2005

Pat Morita, best known for his Oscar-nominated performance as Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid," died Thanksgiving Day. He was 73.

Before he found fame as Ralph Macchio's mentor, he portrayed Arnold on "Happy Days." Also, like many Japanese-Americans of his generation, he was confined during World War II.

Born in northern California on June 28, 1932, the son of migrant fruit pickers, Morita spent most of his early years in the hospital with spinal tuberculosis. He later recovered only to be sent to a Japanese-American internment camp in Arizona during World War II.

"One day I was an invalid," he recalled in a 1989 AP interview. "The next day I was public enemy No. 1 being escorted to an internment camp by an FBI agent wearing a piece."

Yet he wasn't bitter.

"Only in America could you get away with the kind of comedy I did," he commented. "If I tried it in Japan before the war, it would have been considered blasphemy, and I would have ended in leg irons. "

RIP.

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 8:48 AM
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Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all

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First, the serious ... I am thankful for and to all of the new people I have met through this blog -- my faithful 33 readers a day -- and to those other bloggers who share a part of their lives every day. Offline, I am thankful for my family and friends, who never cease to amaze me with their ability to smile, laugh and screw-up.

Now for the not-so-serious ...

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God bless you all, and happy Thanksgiving!

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 8:56 AM
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Thanksgiving Memories

A comment from Jay over at Hot & Fresh (Almost) Daily sparked a humorous Thanksgiving memory:

You know what makes me laugh? Old people swearing and children crying.

After reading his post, I promised Jay an old-person-swearing story once Turkey Day drew closer. We'll it's the day before, so here we go ...

(Cue The Human League/John Cougar music -- or some other appropriately horrible early '80s tunes)

Picture it: Thanksgiving Day, somewhere around 1981. ("Golden Girls" fans should laugh now; you others can read on clueless). The entire extended family gathered for a meal. Old people galore; kids running everywhere; enough food to feed all of Somalia for months. We finally make it to the dining area. A big wooden table and five or so assorted card tables circling it. We fill up our plates, sit and eat.

Then comes a time-honored family tradition -- the adherence to which was strictly enforced by my grandfather's sister. Each family member old enough to collect a thought must say at least one thing for which he or she is thankful. Finally, it rolls around to my great-aunt, The Tradition Enforcer, who was -- um -- bossy to put it nicely. This led to some resentment among some other family members, including her brother and my great-uncle E.E. (or Double E, as we called him). Pardon the rabbit trail here, but this is important to the story.

Anyway ...

The Tradition Enforcer cannot be thankful for just one thing. No, she must be thankful for several. There's one problem: It's the same three things she's always thankful for: "My two wonderful children and Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior."

This particular year, Double E had had all he could stand -- both of his sister's piousness and of the bourbon he kept sneaking outside to drink. I had the great fortune that year of sitting next to Double E. In fact, I always tried to sit near him, as he was highly unpredictable and could utter something entirely inappropriate at the drop of a hat. He was a house painter in his younger days and had a horrible case of the sniffles from breathing all those chemicals. By this point, he had to have been 70, which was ancient to me as a young teenager.

As always, Double E didn't let me down. As soon as the words "Lord and Savior" left her lips, the 70-year-old Double E (without his dentures) leaned over and whispered to me the greatest words even whispered at a Thanksgiving table:

"I've been eating Thanksgiving with that b*tch for 70 years and playing this stupid game for about that long. In all that time, you'd think she could find one ... just one ... other f*cking thing to be thankful for besides Jesus, her drunk of a son and a fat-ass daughter who can't keep a job!"

Happy Turkey Day, Double E, wherever you are.

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 4:32 PM
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The Priestly Purgatory

Leaders of the Catholic Church -- i.e. The Vatican -- say gay (or possibly gay) people who want to be priests have to go three years without any homosexual urges to enter the clergy. Tying itself into knots as only the Catholic Church can, "the document from the Vatican's Congregation for Catholic Education says the church deeply respects homosexuals ...

But it also says it "cannot admit to the seminary and the sacred orders those who practice homosexuality, present deeply rooted homosexual tendencies or support so-called gay culture."

"Those people find themselves, in fact, in a situation that presents a grave obstacle to a correct relationship with men and women. One cannot ignore the negative consequences that can stem from the ordination of people with deeply rooted homosexual tendencies," it said.

"If instead it is a case of homosexual tendencies that are merely the expression of a transitory problem, for example as in the case of an unfinished adolescence, they must however have been clearly overcome for at least three years before ordination as a deacon."

Negative consequences, eh? What the Catholic leadership means is years and years and years of child sexual abuse inflicted by priests -- which this very same leadership not only overlooked but covered up.

Now they ride to the rescue and, for all intents and purposes, will force any gay man who wishes to be a priest to hide who he is. Yeah, why bother addressing the real issue of how so many pedophiles were allowed to rape and abuse thousands of children and only be sent for an extended prayer vacation (or simply moved to another parish)?

Because, you know, gay men can't possibly be good priests. Like this guy.

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:54 PM
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The Last Word On Football

One of the great traditions of the Auburn-Alabama game carries on after the game is over: the victory T-shirt. This year -- as was the case in the last three -- Auburn gets the last laugh with this shirt.

Front:

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Back:

Now back to our regularly scheduled program ...

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:04 PM
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Auburn 28, Alabama 18

Football isn't the typical topic of conversation at BaT. We live that to BfT. But Saturday's matchup between the 11th-ranked Auburn Tigers and the eighth-ranked Alabama Crimson Tide isn't your typical game. "The Iron Bowl" as it is called because it was once played in Birmingham, home to numerous steel mills.

This year, it was once again Auburn who emerged the victor, scoring three touchdowns in the first 11 minutes of the game and sacking object of BfT obsession Brodie Croyle 11 times en route to a 28-18 win. Auburn has now beaten Alabama four consecutive years and five out of the last six.

But enough talk, let's just look at some pretty pictures.

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Above: Before each game, thousands of Auburn fans line path the players take into the stadium. This march is known as the "Tiger Walk." Another walk was to take place a couple of hours later, as Auburn walked all over arch-rival Alabama.

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Above: Brodie Croyle, who most Alabama fans consider the second coming of Joe Namath or Kenny Stabler, was knocked around like a West Alabama trailer-park wife. Unlike Namath and Stabler, Croyle will graduate without knowing what it's like to play in the Iron Bowl and win.

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Above: Auburn scored three touchdowns in 13 plays -- including this eight-yard touchdown by Kenny Irons. In the same timeframe, the Alabama's offense ran nine plays for no first downs and minus-23 yards.

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Above: Here's another one of those 13 Auburn plays, as wide receiver Ben Obomanu takes the end-around 45 yards to put the Tigers up 21-0. Those people watching him run are members of the Southeastern Conference's, er, "best" defense.

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Above: Alabama fans do not appear to be having a very good time during their visit to Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Above: Auburn fans, meanwhile, did -- even the tragically dressed ones.

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Above: Oh, and here's another sack, just for BfT's benefit.

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Above: It turns out the best defense on the field belonged to the Tigers. And those four fingers mean yet another long year of suffering for Tide fans. From 9-0 two weeks ago to this, it's a crying shame.

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Above: And, finally, another Auburn tradition: the rolling of Toomer's Corner at the edge of campus with toilet paper. The white-out occurs following each Auburn football victory, as well as other assorted "big" events. The College Republicans, for example, rolled the corner following Bush's re-election.

Must it be said again? Well, yes ... War Damn Eagle!

5 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:48 PM
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War Damn Eagle!

Auburn 28, Alabama 18

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 8:17 PM
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Cocktail of the Week -- Turkey Day Edition

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Three hundred and eighty four years ago, Western immigrants and native Americans sat down to a feast to celebrate the autumn harvest. What is not known by many is that much of the food served barely resembles what we place on our tables for Thanksgiving dinner.

Historians tell us that wild turkey may have been on the menu, but no ham or chicken. Instead, there was seafood, game birds and wild game. Sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie were not possible. Corn may have been served, but it would not be the corn on the cob so many of us enjoy today. Nuts, vegetables and fruit would have been plentiful.

It's doubtful that the early celebrants partook in wine or some other alcohol. But since we are taking about conservative Puritan types, this may have taken place in secret -- much like a Baptist wedding, where men gather outside around an open car trunk.

Oh, if they only knew what we know today. They could have put some of that corn to good use! Which brings us to this installment of the BaT Cocktail of the Week: The Gobble-Gobble.

Ingredients

1 1/2 oz. Wild Turkey (of course)
1/2 oz. applejack (apple brandy)
1 tsp. Rose's sweetened lime juice (buy the bottle, regular lime juice will not mix well)
4 oz. cranberry juice

Instructions

Fill a tall glass half-full of ice, add ingredients and stir. Garnish with a lime wedge, if desired.

In the meantime, check out this page of Thanksgiving myths and impress -- or annoy -- your guests with your Turkey Day knowledge. A Happy (and possibly tipsy) Thanksgiving to you all!

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 11:11 AM
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Ladies And Gentlemen, I Present The Proof

For those of us whose gaydar binga-banged rapidly every time Talan was featured on the so-fake "Laguna Beach" "reality" show, we officially have "The Beard."

Perhaps inspired by the marriage-minded moves made by her good friends Paris and Nicky Hilton, Kimberly Stewart has gone ahead and taken the engagement plunge.

Stewart, the 26-year-old daughter of rocker Rod Stewart, has announced that she is betrothed to Laguna Beach star Talan Torriero, 19, whom she has been dating for anywhere from one week to two months, according to varying published reports.

(E! Online's own Party Girl, Lara Morgenson, who has encountered the pair out and about on her rounds, pegs the budding romance at about two weeks old.)

Isn't he a little young to worry about cultivating a beard? That's, you know, for older guys.

And she's only 26? Good god, she looks 46. I mean, her old man (i.e., father) has to be close to 80.

Let's just call it brain damage and pretend the whole thing never happened. The romance has been going on for a couple of weeks. The current book on the marriage lasting that long is 6:1. Of course, in Hollywood, where the queers stay married longer than the straights, that's hardly a long shot.

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 8:18 PM
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Celebrity Quick-Hits

A lightning round of entertainment- and culture-related news ...

People magazine has declared Matthew McConaughey its "Sexiest Man Alive":

"Now I've made it. Wait until you see the roles I could take after this. You're going to see my gut hanging over, plus 22 (pounds)," he joked.

People magazine said it chose the Texas native this year because he is "chivalrous, passionate and cooks a mean marinara."

Previous winners include Brad Pitt and George Clooney, who -- at last word -- are still alive. Which leaves BaT to wonder, did they suddenly become less sexy or is McConaughey now more sexy?

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This article could explain why Pitt is no longer People's favorite. USA Today reports Jennifer Aniston is our favorite "Friend":

People's Hackett says that Aniston holds a "deep, deep likability and relate-ability" to which readers respond. "Audiences grew up with her." Part of her allure is the "construct of celebrity," he says, but no editor, producer or TV executive can "make people feel it, and it's difficult for the feeling to go away."

Why haven't Aniston's Friends co-stars attracted anywhere near the attention? That's the "alchemy" that can't be described, says GQ articles editor Mark Healy. "We have to recognize that some of her appeal is unexplainable."

Or maybe people love her because she got dumped by Pitt -- and hence the women readers of People are no longer guilty over fantasizing about doing a Thelma-and-Louise with a married man. A married man other than their husbands, of course. BaT has no favorite "Friend." OK, maybe Phoebe -- but only because of her starring role in "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion."

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Half a world away, Michael Jackson seems to be offending our Middle Eastern, er, friends. Not because he's a child molester -- they are use to that -- but because he can't read Arabic:

Michael Jackson has stirred a small controversy in the United Arab Emirates by entering the ladies room in a shopping mall.

The pop star's publicist said Jackson, who arrived in Dubai this week as the guest of a champion rally driver, did not understand the Arabic sign on the door and left the bathroom as soon as he realized his mistake.

In the statement released late Tuesday, Jackson's publicist, Raymond K. Bain said: "Upon his exit (from the ladies bathroom), he was recognized and a crowd ensued. He had to wait in a nearby bookstore until police arrived to escort him through the crowd."

But local newspapers reported that the 47-year-old performer did not quickly leave the bathroom and was spotted applying makeup before leaving.

Maybe they'll stone him while he's over there. Praise be to Allah.

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This woman is accused of acquiring stolen art for the Getty Museum while she served as curator. This woman is a curator? Hardly. She should be an actress.

Note to Hollywood producers: If she is acquitted (which seems to happen often in L.A. -- too bad this trial is in Rome), she would be perfect to play the next matriarch of some crime family. I mean, c'mon, look at those glasses and that hair. She puts any good drag queen to shame with that get-up.

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Speaking of drag queens, Madonna's latest effort receives a thumbs-up from USA Today:

Madonna isn't so much reinventing herself as reinforcing her royal status in pop as the Queen of Clubs.

Her voice, vastly improved since that '80s squeak, sounds pretty and unfettered (even when computerized) as it rides over tense waves of blip-whoosh-thrum technoise and blissful snap-crackle beats.

I love how reviewers try to completely confuse readers with stupid descriptions. A friend of mine is a music reviewer. I point out regularly that they say things like: "it rides over tense waves of blip-whoosh-thrum technoise and blissful snap-crackle beats" instead of stating the obvious. What the reviewer means is: It's kinda funky and has a nice beat. Whatever.

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And in closing, Scotty's return to space has been delayed:

Plans to launch the remains of "Star Trek" actor James Doohan into space next month have been delayed pending more rocket engine tests, organizers said on Wednesday.

Doohan, who played the "Star Trek" engineer Montgomery "Scotty" Scott on the TV series, died in July at age 85. In accord with his last wishes, his cremated remains were set to be launched into space by commercial flight operators Space Services.

Charles Chafer of Space Services said the flight, due to blast off from California, was likely to be delayed from December 6 until at least February because engineers working on the Falcon One rocket wanted to do some more engine tests.

For the love of God, Jim, I'm only a doctor -- not a rocket scientist! Oh, wrong guy. You get the picture.

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 8:57 PM
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Revoking Your Gay Card

First, Duane admits he doesn't like "Eating Out." Now, he's come out of the anti-Madonna closet:

I know that there is a collective "gay sigh" going on out there (cue the Kathy Griffin gay sigh) at everything I am saying, but honestly, I can't take it anymore.

...

So this time, I am digging in my heels, and tearing off that corner of my gay card; I am not a Madonna fan, and I don't care who knows it. I am coming out of the closet and admitting that I don't really care for Madonna.

Duane could be missing the obvious. He might not actually be gay!

Time for the definitive quiz, Duane. Take it here and report back.

P.S. I don't care much for Madonna myself. Now, if you say you don't like Cher, all the quizzes in the world won't prevent the revocation of your gay card.

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:52 PM
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Some New, Old Movies

It's Monday, it's rainy and I'm uninspired to research a new topic. So let's take a look at some recent additions to the BaT DVD collection:

1. The Outlaw Josey Wales

With Clint Eastwood as star and director, "The Outlaw Josey Wales" is Eastwood's attempt to heal America's wounds after Vietnam. To do so, he brings us Josey Wales, a Missouri farmer turned Confederate guerrilla following his family's murders by Union loyalists. After the end of the war, Wales refuses to end his campaign for vengeance. He becomes a wanted man, and during is search for his family's killers, he finds another family of others who have been left behind: an old Cherokee Indian, a young squaw disowned by her tribe, an old woman and her granddaughter and others.

The message of the movie is: We all need somebody.

There are some great lines in this movie, and my favorite exchanges are between Wales (Eastwood) and the "civilized" old Cherokee Indian, Lone Waite (played by the late Chief Dan George):

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
Lone Watie: I notice when you get to dislikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.

Now that is writing.

2. Eating Out

Straight boy with gay roommate wants girl with gay roommate. Girl hates straight boys, even though she's straight. Straight boy pretends to be gay, dates girl's gay roommate. Hilarity ensues.

Now I have to admit, I bought this DVD after my friend, The Computer Guy, went on and on about it. It didn't win any Academy Awards (although it has won honors at several gay film festivals -- but then aren't all film festivals gay?). But it is cute in its own way, and Ryan Carnes is in it. Enough said. And if that isn't enough, former American Idol gay icon Jim Verraros (you know, the one with the deaf parents) plays Kyle -- gay roommate to the straight boy.

And as in all great gay movies (see "Sordid Lives"), there are some wonderful one-liners:

After Caleb (straight boy) confesses to Kyle (Verraros) that he's afraid of being ravished on his fake gay date, Kyle says: We're not pirates. We just dress like them.

Jamie (straight boy's sister): You're a reality show without a camera crew.

Caleb: Do I look gay?
Kyle: Like an insatiable bottom.

And no gay party is complete until someone quotes Gwen (straight girl), who upon finding out that yet another of her boyfriends is actually gay, says:

"I feel like a turnstile at the White Party!"

3. Mississippi Burning

Gene Hackman won Oscars for his roles in "The French Connection" and "Unforgiven" (another great Eastwood film), but "Mississippi Burning" is my favorite Hackman movie. He plays the part of Southern sheriff turned FBI agent, Rupert Anderson. Anderson and partner Alan Ward (Willem Dafoe) come to a small Mississippi town to investigate the disappearance of three civil rights workers. Ward works by the book; Anderson prefers to operate "differently." Together, they solve the crime -- but only after gaining the trust of each other and a town resident who does the right thing.

Hackman is brilliant as Anderson, who seeks justice without the preachiness of Ward. A couple of Hackman-as-Anderson quotes:

Ward: Some things are worth dying for.
Anderson: Down here, things are different. Here, they believe that some things are worth killing for.

Anderson: (While grabbing one of the redneck killers by the crotch) Now you listen here, Shitkicker! Don't you go confusin' me with some whole other body. You must be thinkin' with your dick if you think we're gonna just walk away from this. We're gonna stay 'till this gets done.

Anderson: Make no mistake about it. I'll cut your head clean off and not give a damn how it reads in the report sheet!

And you believe him, too.

4. Steel Magnolias

Now I've seen this movie a hundred times -- like all good gay Southerners. This is our movie. It seemed only right to buy the DVD, especially since the VHS tape went bad years ago. With an all-star cast -- Sally Field, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, Dylan McDermott and DOLLY FREAKIN' PARTON -- how could we not love it. It's a story of friendship, love and loss surrounding the girls who hang out at Truvy's Beauty Parlor in a small Louisiana town.

There are lines in "Steel Magnolias" that you simply must know if you expect to understand any conversation with a group of gay Southerners. Here's your quick primer:

Clairee (Dukakis): I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy (Parton): Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Clairee: All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick or Steve.

Shelby (Roberts): Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.
Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from premenstrual syndrome.

Truvy: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

Clairee: I love ya more than my luggage.

Ouiser (MacLaine): I'm not crazy, I've just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years!

Clairee: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Clairee: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself.

Oh, and if you're visiting the South and make some kind of air-headed statement, don't be surprised to hear in reply, "Drink your juice, Shelby." Watch the movie and you'll understand why.

4 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:52 PM
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Sunday Surprise

BaT is typically a post-free blog on the weekends. But, while I have the time (i.e., I'm bored), I wanted to answer a question from late last week and to point out that one of my favorite bloggers is filling in on one of my favorite blogs.

First, following this post about the return of Mardi Gras parades to New Orleans, Kinkyrhombus asks:

whats endymion? surely not the wacked out computer program that runs my law school's webmail stuff.

No, the Endymion referenced in the post is not this Endymion. Instead, it is this one:

With the largest floats ever assembled, and parade themes with which everyone identified, Endymion quickly became the people's parade. The krewe also changed the look of Carnival, making an instant impact with its magnificent court costumes and enormous headdresses. The concept of showcasing the krewe's royalty and court within a parade was novel. People actually came to see Endymion's "pre-parade" of mini-floats, just to catch a glimpse of the visual spectacle.

People also came to Endymion's parade to do more than look. As the most generous club in Carnival, krewe members lived up to their motto, "Throw until it hurts." Literally, millions of beads, cups, doubloons and trinkets were tossed-then as now, no one goes home from an Endymion parade empty-handed.

The Endymion parade occurs the Saturday night before Fat Tuesday, and is by far my favorite of Carnival. Krewe members do live up to their motto, and they throw tons. This is the best parade to take a Mardi Gras virgin to, because he/she is sure to be pelted with all sorts of trinkets. It is the party of the party for me, hence why I wrote in the post on Wednesday that "all is right in New Orleans again when Endymion's grand show returns." You can take your Fat Tuesday festivities; give me the Saturday night roll through Mid-City, and I'll be just fine.

Second, Ethan from Brat Boy School is guestblogging over at BoiFromTroy. He's even trying to talk football! Be sure to go over to BfT and show him some love.

Have a good week.

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:08 PM
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Cocktail of the Week -- Veterans Day Edition

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Today, Americans honor veterans of the armed services who so bravely served us during time of war and peace. And today, BaT toasts them with an appropriate -- and strong -- shot: The Army Green, which according to legend was made popular by the U.S. Army Military Police stationed on Johnston Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.

Ingredients

1 oz. Goldschlager
1 oz. Jagermeister
1 oz. tequila

Instructions

Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker over ice. Shake, then pour into a shot glass. A chaser may be needed.

So should you drink 11, in honor of "the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month? BaT wouldn't advise that. But toss back a couple and say "cheers" to our fighting men and women. God bless them, and God bless America.

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 4:35 PM
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God To City: Drop Dead

Mentally ill televangelist Pat Robertson is at it again. This time, he apparently spoke with God on the hotline and brought this news to a Pennsylvania town that voted out School Board members who supported teaching "intelligent design" (the new fancy way of saying "creationism"):

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city," Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The 700 Club."

"And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there," he said.

There are some good arguments for teaching -- or at least discussing -- alternate life theories, as opposed to only evolution. However, when nutcases like Robertson began injecting this kind of rhetoric into the conversation, it reminds all of us "middle-of-the-road" types why we are squeamish about allowing creationist teaching into lesson plans.

He sounds more like the Islamofascists bringing back 800-year-old grudges rather than an American man of God. But if I were the people of Dover, I wouldn't lose any sleep. Robertson also predicted "Gay Days" would bring the wrath of God to Orlando.

Instead, "Gay Days" just brought a bunch of queers in red shirts. Oh, well, you can't be right all the time.

5 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:16 PM
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Throw Me Somethin', Mista!

It's official: Mardi Gras is on in the Big Easy, albeit on a scaled-back schedule.

City officials and Carnival krewe captains "are looking at a six-day Mardi Gras" celebration in New Orleans next year, just half as long as normal, acting Police Superintendent Warren Riley told the City Council on Wednesday.

The celebration would begin on Thursday, Feb. 23, and run through Fat Tuesday.Riley said final decisions won’t be made until after Nov. 18, when all Carnival krewes are to notify the city whether they intend to parade next year.

But, he said, "It looks pretty good that we will have a six-day Mardi Gras."

Of course, since many of the krewe members are no longer New Orleans residents, it will be difficult to hold the large parades on the grand scale to which we are accustomed. But at this point, something is better than nothing.

All is right in New Orleans again when Endymion's grand show returns.

Laissez les bon temp roulez!

5 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:56 PM
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The Reviews Are In

Professor Reynolds links to Cafe Hayek's review of the "West Wing" live debate, which praises Alan Alda -- or at least the ideas expressed by his character, Arnie Vinick, and the writers who penned his lines:

But what I found interesting was how little they chose to caricature the Republican's views, at least in the part I saw. He wasn't a "compassionate conservative." And he wasn't a heartless monster. He was about as Jeffersonian as you could imagine. Whoever gets the Republican nomination the next time around ought to hire whoever wrote Alda's lines. It would be even nicer to have a candidate to choose from who actually believed those lines as well.

Of course, as I noted in the BaT review, Vinick had been positioned as a "moderate" throughout the season. However, his debate points mirrored Reagan. Who knew Hollywood viewed Reagan as a moderate?

Meanwhile, over on his blog, Cato Institute analyst Radley "The Agitator" Balko also liked what he heard from Vinick.

It's a sad state of affairs when the most eloquent defense of free markets, private initiative, and limited government uttered by a politician in two decades has come from a fictitious presidential candidate played by an actor with leftist politics.

Still, the West Wing staff ought to be credited. Not only did they not creat a caricature of a Republican, they created a better Republican than any currently serving in Washington.

And the Queen of All Evil has a nice little back-and-forth discussion on the debate:

Weird trivia: younger viewers switched allegiance to Vinnick after viewing the show; older viewers stayed with Santos.

Lastly, judging by the fan-boards (I told you I loved the show) the die-hards weren't crazy about this episode. The ones who liked it were, like, "enh" and the ones who disliked it, detested it.

A poll on NBC overwhelmingly says Jimmy Smits' character, Matt Santos, won the debate. I can't say that surprises me, because most conservatives long ago tuned the show out because of Jed Bartlet's increasingly sanctimonious diatribes. (Hat tip: Matt over at Chip-Chat, who utters anti-Ellen remarks in yesterday's comments here.)

The State newspaper in Columbia, S.C., agrees with BaT that post-debate spin would have been a nice touch:

The one main missing element was the post-show weigh-in of political pundits, providing highlights and who they thought won or lost.

A blog called, very appropriately, WestWingNews has a complete roundup. If I haven't completely bored you with the show no one apparently watches ...

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:49 PM
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Who Won The West Wing Debate?

Fictional presidential candidates Arnold Vinick and Matt Santos squared off on "West Wing" Sunday night for a live-broadcast "debate." It's disappointing to find no reviews, except for the Associated Press version -- which isn't deep and only a recap.

Who won the debate? That was up to each viewer of "The West Wing" to decide. No pundits came on afterward to spin the results.

But this fictional faceoff Sunday night had everything else, including a wishful vision of what a presidential debate might look like if its participants were willing to take off the gloves.

The ratings sweeps month stunt pulled in an estimated 9.6 million viewers, up from the 8.2 million "The West Wing" had been averaging this season, according to preliminary Nielsen Media Research figures. The NBC drama has lost about a third of its viewers this season with the move to Sunday nights.

Perhaps it's the laziness of television writers who could have made a real story out of this. And partly it's how "West Wing" writers approached the debate. Yes, the live gimmick was interesting. However, I wanted to see the post-debate spin by each camp. This show is suppose to be about the process, in this case the electoral process. And the answers by each candidate were hardly surprising.

In fact, it was hard to tell that Vinick is a "moderate" Republican, as he has been portrayed all season. To Hollywood, to be a moderate Republican means a candidate supports some form of abortion availability -- and even Vinick the Moderate is anti-partial birth. Instead, he sounded like a Reagan Republican who promotes tax cuts as the answer to all ills. (Not that that's a bad thing!)

Santos' positions were straight off his party's page, as well. Government is good; big business is bad. Yawn.

Now, the performances themselves were better than average, and as predicted, Alan Alda (as Vinick) was spectacular, even with the script limitations. His stage experience certainly showed, as Jimmy Smits (Santos) struggled in the East Coast version. Forrest Sawyer, an actual journalist who played himself as the debate moderator, was a pleasant surprise. It goes to show that some of the best actors around are the talking-head types who pretend to report but are nothing more than Teleprompter readers.

BaT judges Vinick as the debate winner, but Alda's performance could easily be the sway. Much like in real presidential debates, substance isn't always the determining factor. Style is important, and Alda's more mature candidate came across better informed and better prepared.

P.S.: I'd be interested in others' thoughts or conclusions. If you post a review or know of others who do, please leave a comment.

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:05 PM
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Cocktail of the Week -- Please Make It Stop Edition

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Please, please make it stop. For the love of all that is good, make it stop. We're begging you: Will you and your Cheeto-eating, Red Bull-drinking, barefoot-in-the-bathroom white trash wife just go away?

The dawn of Kevin Federline's hip-hop career has begun, though it remains to be seen if it will last past breakfast. A track by Federline was posted on the Internet by Disco D, the producer of his upcoming album, "The Truth," to be released next year.

Though the song has since been taken off Disco D's Web site, it has popped up elsewhere, giving a glimpse of Mr. Britney Spears' rhyming, um, abilities.

"Back then, they called me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead," he intones in the chorus of "Y'all Ain't Ready."

Uh, huh, yeah, we'll call you Daddy -- along with about 20 illegitimate children you've brought into this world already. I swear, if there's a Hell for me, it will be living in a trailer with these two. It would be my worst punishment ever. Which brings us to this week's cocktail treat: The Nightmare.

Ingredients

1 1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. cherry brandy
1/2 oz. madeira
1 tsp. orange juice

Instructions

Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass and serve.

Careful, kiddies, maderia is fortified wine and gin is for real drunks. But you'll need both before you tune in to "Daddy" Spears. He is truly "Toxic."

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 8:38 PM
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Our Own Rosa Parks(es)

Columnist and former "American Candidate" Keith Boykin says the gay community needs hundreds of people like Rosa Parks to be the new generation of queer activists.

We don't need a Martin Luther King to lead us to the Promised Land. Instead, we need thousands of people like Rosa Parks to stand up and be leaders in their own communities. No one person can represent everyone. That's why we need women and men, young and old, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender activists with various backgrounds and from all parts of the country.

If we want to hear new voices, our organizations need to make an active effort to recruit, train and support new activists. And we need to find ways to mentor new leaders before the old leaders burn out. I know that my own organization -- the National Black Justice Coalition -- is busy making plans to do that, and I imagine others are doing the same.

Those of us in positions of leadership can't stay on forever. We have to realize it's time for new faces to be seen, and those faces can't be seen as long as the old faces continue to steal the spotlight. But that also means it's time for new people to step up and be active. As the door of leadership swings open, let's make sure there are plenty of new people to walk inside.

Of course, one issue to this is that the younger generation (say 18- to 25-year-olds) seem less inclined to be pigeonholed as just "gay." To many of them, being gay is just part of who they are. They aren't defined by it. And in many cases, this is thanks to the people who have gone before them. There are, of course, exceptions, but today's younger gay people have not faced the enormous and constant scorn those who passed through earlier did.

This is a good thing. But it also tends to lessen the desire to grasp activism. It also means not all gay people "drink the Kool-Aid" that is required to be part of the gay activist establishment. There is no room for differing opinions, and anyone not toeing the "party line" is subject to scorn and cries of "sellout." In fact, this sounds remarkably like what the black community has experienced in recent years. If you express an opinion opposed by the race hustlers, you are an Oreo.

This approach, however, will not work among the gay community. We have survived not in spite of our individuality, but because of it. Rosa Parks did not do what she did because she was "recruited" or "trained." She did what she did because of her inner strength and her determination. That's what we should be fostering among younger queers.

It's no longer, "We're here, we're queer, get over it!" It's simply: "We're here."

4 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:43 PM
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Godspeed, Rosa Parks

Thousands gathered today in person and millions more in spirit to say goodbye to Rosa Parks.

Bishop Charles Ellis III of Greater Grace Temple led the service for 4,000 people packed in to say goodbye to the diminutive figure who sparked a civil rights revolution by refusing 50 years ago to give up her seat on a bus in Montgomery, Ala.

"Mother Parks, take your rest. You have certainly earned it," Ellis said.

Mourners waited in long lines in the chilly morning to honor Parks. Hours before the funeral began, the line to get one of the 2,000 available public seats at the church extended more than two blocks west in Parks' adopted hometown.

Claudette Bond, 62, had been waiting since 6 p.m. Tuesday in a lawn chair. She was first in line and didn't budge, even as temperatures dipped below 40 degrees.

"This will never happen again. There will never be another Rosa Parks," said Moses Fisher, a Nashville, Tenn., resident waiting for the chance to get a seat.

No, there certainly won't.

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:18 PM
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West Wing's Live Debate

Despite the move to Sunday night, I've managed to watch "West Wing" this season. But for only one reason: Alan Alda. I just about had my fill of Martin Sheen as Jed Bartlet. The character is so pompous he would never win one term, much less two. He didn't start that way. But somewhere around year three or so, Bartlet became unbearable.

But with an election on the horizon, the producers brought in fresh blood -- Alda as the Republican candidate and Jimmy Smits as the Democrat. Smits is so-so, but if you can put behind the fantasy that a fairly young (and liberal) congressman from Texas -- and the first Latino to win a party nomination -- could survive the primaries, he's not so bad.

Alda, however, is great as the "moderate" Republican from California -- moderate to Hollywood meaning he supports limited abortion rights and he doesn't go to church. I think his character could be developed more. After all, we see Smits' Hillary-ford wife. Yet we only heard that "Arnold Vinick" is a widower. Perhaps there will be time for that if he wins the election and "West Wing" is picked up for another season.

This Sunday could prove interesting. The two candidates will debate live.

The fictional encounter starts with the usual rules, the kind that "are set up by the candidates and are there to protect the candidates and not promote an informed debate," said executive producer Alex Graves, who is directing O'Donnell's script.

But one of the politicians — Graves won't say who — quickly proposes tossing the book aside.

"And that's the starting point and everybody, including the moderator, underestimates what that's going to mean," Graves said. "It ends up ... with the candidates doing and saying things you would never expect to see in a debate, never."

The actors may also do something rarely seen. Although they have a script, Alda and Smits also received a crash course in debate strategy and issues that will allow them to veer off the page.

And with limited commercials!

Of course, many people will tune in to see if Alda asks Trapper to pour him a drink or Smits tries to arrest Josh Lyman for "Worst Actor Who's Not Rob Lowe." Just are the joys of live TV.