Celebrity Quick-Hits

A lightning round of entertainment- and culture-related news ...

People magazine has declared Matthew McConaughey its "Sexiest Man Alive":

"Now I've made it. Wait until you see the roles I could take after this. You're going to see my gut hanging over, plus 22 (pounds)," he joked.

People magazine said it chose the Texas native this year because he is "chivalrous, passionate and cooks a mean marinara."

Previous winners include Brad Pitt and George Clooney, who -- at last word -- are still alive. Which leaves BaT to wonder, did they suddenly become less sexy or is McConaughey now more sexy?

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This article could explain why Pitt is no longer People's favorite. USA Today reports Jennifer Aniston is our favorite "Friend":

People's Hackett says that Aniston holds a "deep, deep likability and relate-ability" to which readers respond. "Audiences grew up with her." Part of her allure is the "construct of celebrity," he says, but no editor, producer or TV executive can "make people feel it, and it's difficult for the feeling to go away."

Why haven't Aniston's Friends co-stars attracted anywhere near the attention? That's the "alchemy" that can't be described, says GQ articles editor Mark Healy. "We have to recognize that some of her appeal is unexplainable."

Or maybe people love her because she got dumped by Pitt -- and hence the women readers of People are no longer guilty over fantasizing about doing a Thelma-and-Louise with a married man. A married man other than their husbands, of course. BaT has no favorite "Friend." OK, maybe Phoebe -- but only because of her starring role in "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion."

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Half a world away, Michael Jackson seems to be offending our Middle Eastern, er, friends. Not because he's a child molester -- they are use to that -- but because he can't read Arabic:

Michael Jackson has stirred a small controversy in the United Arab Emirates by entering the ladies room in a shopping mall.

The pop star's publicist said Jackson, who arrived in Dubai this week as the guest of a champion rally driver, did not understand the Arabic sign on the door and left the bathroom as soon as he realized his mistake.

In the statement released late Tuesday, Jackson's publicist, Raymond K. Bain said: "Upon his exit (from the ladies bathroom), he was recognized and a crowd ensued. He had to wait in a nearby bookstore until police arrived to escort him through the crowd."

But local newspapers reported that the 47-year-old performer did not quickly leave the bathroom and was spotted applying makeup before leaving.

Maybe they'll stone him while he's over there. Praise be to Allah.

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This woman is accused of acquiring stolen art for the Getty Museum while she served as curator. This woman is a curator? Hardly. She should be an actress.

Note to Hollywood producers: If she is acquitted (which seems to happen often in L.A. -- too bad this trial is in Rome), she would be perfect to play the next matriarch of some crime family. I mean, c'mon, look at those glasses and that hair. She puts any good drag queen to shame with that get-up.

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Speaking of drag queens, Madonna's latest effort receives a thumbs-up from USA Today:

Madonna isn't so much reinventing herself as reinforcing her royal status in pop as the Queen of Clubs.

Her voice, vastly improved since that '80s squeak, sounds pretty and unfettered (even when computerized) as it rides over tense waves of blip-whoosh-thrum technoise and blissful snap-crackle beats.

I love how reviewers try to completely confuse readers with stupid descriptions. A friend of mine is a music reviewer. I point out regularly that they say things like: "it rides over tense waves of blip-whoosh-thrum technoise and blissful snap-crackle beats" instead of stating the obvious. What the reviewer means is: It's kinda funky and has a nice beat. Whatever.

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And in closing, Scotty's return to space has been delayed:

Plans to launch the remains of "Star Trek" actor James Doohan into space next month have been delayed pending more rocket engine tests, organizers said on Wednesday.

Doohan, who played the "Star Trek" engineer Montgomery "Scotty" Scott on the TV series, died in July at age 85. In accord with his last wishes, his cremated remains were set to be launched into space by commercial flight operators Space Services.

Charles Chafer of Space Services said the flight, due to blast off from California, was likely to be delayed from December 6 until at least February because engineers working on the Falcon One rocket wanted to do some more engine tests.

For the love of God, Jim, I'm only a doctor -- not a rocket scientist! Oh, wrong guy. You get the picture.