Breakfast at Tiffany's – Because I Do Not Know

Thursday Night Touchdown Club

No BaT yesterday, despite good intentions. But college football and Maker's Mark had other ideas.

No. 2 Auburn 24, South Carolina 17.

A win's a win on the road in the Southeastern Conference.

Now, Matt, give 'em hell, Herky!

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:26 AM
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And 40 Years Later, What's Their Excuse?

Uganda -- best known for 1970s dictator nutjob "His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal Al Hadji Dr. Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, King of Scotland Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular" -- is back in the human rights spotlight for publishing the names of gay men in a country where sodomy can result in life in prison ... if you're lucky.

"For years, President Yoweri Museveni's government routinely threatens and vilifies lesbians and gays and subjects sexual rights activists to harassment," Human Rights Watch researcher Jessica Stern said in a written statement.

"At a moment when sensational publicity has spread fear among a whole community, the authorities must exercise their responsibility to protect, not persecute."

The list was published Aug. 8 in the tabloid newspaper Red Pepper, and the paper has since told activists that it plans to publish a similar list of alleged lesbians, Reuters reported.

Similar allegations by the newspaper have led to arrests and detentions, Human Rights Watch said.

Gay rights groups are protesting the action with the dreaded sternly written letter. But not without first making sure we all know that the West is actually to blame.

Recently, a Ugandan paper with ties to the government publicly outed 58 alleged lesbians and gay men, sparking an outcry of criticism from gay groups. A letter was presented to the Ugandan high commissioner urging respect for the human rights of LGBT Ugandans.

"Uganda is the new Zimbabwe," said Peter Tatchell of OutRage! "President Yoweri Museveni is the Robert Mugabe of Uganda, a homophobic tyrant who tramples on democracy and human rights. Uganda's anti-gay laws were imposed by the British colonialists who occupied the country, stole its wealth, and abused its people."

The central African country outlaws male homosexuality under laws originally imposed by the British colonizers in the 19th century. Offenders face a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.

Ah, yes, it's the Brits' fault. Never mind that Uganda has been independent from the Crown for more than 40 years. Three cheers that gay rights groups are taking notice of Uganda's oppression, but let's call a duck a duck here. The treatment of Ugandan gays -- and before them the Indians, the Christians, the Jews and the political opposition -- lays at the feet of the corrupt government strongmen who continue to keep the whole continent in ruins.

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:29 PM
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The O Is For O-ppressor

"Oprah & Friends," Oprah Winfrey's new satellite radio show, is a big hit ... among the anti-affirmative action crowd.

Among many, many other things, Oprah talked about her humble beginnings in Mississippi, and particularly about how her mother's highest aspiration for her was that she might end up cleaning white people's houses, because "they give away nice clothes." And then Oprah pointed out that now that she's Oprah, she has "all these white people" working for her, and that in fact there's only one black person on the staff. Way to turn the tables, girl.

Finally -- and this was just in the first fifteen minutes -- Oprah moved onto her most recent favorite topic, excrement. O assured Gayle that the reason she doesn't have children wasn't that she can't deal with poo, or "pooty," as the pair called it. For this -- and whatever follows -- is what XM is paying Oprah $55 million over the next three years.

Can you imagine the reaction if Bill Gates or Katie Couric bragged that he or she had "all of these black people" working for him or her? (Besides, we know they only allow Indians and Mexicans, respectively.) Or if they were seemingly proud that only one black person was on their staffs?

It's nice to see Oprah giving young black people an opportunity. Actually, considering she's such a pompous b*tch, maybe they're the lucky ones after all.

We don't use this world very lightly around BaT, but ... what a c*nt. (And that ain't "can't.")

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:14 PM
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Ich Bin Homosexuell

Klaus "Wowi" Wowereit is the golden child of the German left. He also may become the first openly gay world leader. He has just been re-elected to a second term as Berlin's mayor, and Social Democrats hope he can return their party to national power in four years.

The SPD is yet to recover from the identity crisis it plunged into after the departure of its former leader, Gerhard Schroeder, last year. But with his reputation as a successful consensus builder, Mr Wowereit could prove to be the charismatic leader the party could now do with. Despite Berlin's high unemployment and declining property prices, Mr Wowereit, 52, is a popular figure in the city. In a recent poll, almost 60 per cent of Berliners supported him; just more than 20 per cent backed his CDU challenger Friedbert Pfluger.

Mr Wowereit is doing nothing to dispel the rumours that he would like to go further. "I would like to have more say than I have had in the last five years," he said after Sunday's victory, translated by the German media as meaning: "I want to be chancellor." ...

If Mr Wowereit were to become chancellor, he would be the first openly gay head of state in the world. The former lawyer came out in 2001, famously saying: "I am gay, and that's OK." ...

Some politicians could not resist making an issue of his sexual orientation, not surprising in such a conservative country.

Mr Wowereit had a "deformed character", said Frank Steffel, a former rival with the conservative CDU party.

But for now, he is the wunderkind of the German left -- and may hoist the rainbow flag of the gay movement alongside the German tricolour should he go on to defeat the increasingly unpopular Dr Merkel.

At BaT, we would disagree with "Wowi" on just about everything political, but it would certainly be entertaining to watch he and his partner attend world summits.

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:00 PM
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Cocktail of the Week -- Show Me Your T*ts Edition

A judge in Finland has ordered says an elderly man was overcharged for the "pleasure" of gropping a woman's breasts. In all, the man paid US$32,000 for making it to second base.

The court jailed a couple in their twenties for more than a year for charging a 74-year-old who suffers from dementia a total of 25,500 euros to enjoy the woman's breasts on 10 occasions.

"Based on general life experience alone, it is indisputably clear that a 25,500 euro charge is disproportionate to the compensation in question," Judge Hasse Hakki, who heard the case, told Reuters Friday.

Which leads us to the recently neglected Cocktail of the Week, combining breasts with a nutty ol' perv: The Dirty Nipple.

Ingredients

Kahlua
Sambuca
Bailey's irish cream

Instructions

This is a layered shot. Pour the ingredients in a shot glass in order: first the kahlua, then the sambuca and the Bailey's on top.

But don't drink too many, or you might end up with one helluva credit card bill -- with nothing much to show for it but a few cheap thrills. Cheers! (Or should I say, "Kippis!")

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:53 PM
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Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Can't Serve

Four openly gay young people want to serve their country by joining the military. Today, they tried to enlist. For their attempts at patriotism, they were rewarded with a trip to the pokey (and not in a good way!).

Nine people were charged with second-degree trespassing Thursday after staging a sit-in protest when four openly gay college students weren't allowed to enlist in the U.S. Army.

The four students -- Jessica Arvidson, Stacey Booe, Matt Hill Comer and Alex Nini -- were participating in the Right to Serve campaign, a national effort by the group Soulforce protesting the federal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Recruiters cited the policy in their refusal, Booe said.

Members of the military must abide by the U.S. Code, said Maj. Stewart Upton, a press officer for the Department of Defense. "Under that policy, any person who has stated that they are a homosexual or bisexual cannot be allowed entry into the U.S. military services based upon the applicable laws and regulations governing sexual conduct by members of the armed forces."

We'll take their word for it that they actually do want to join and this is not some publicity stunt.

"The folks who are trying to sign up are folks who really do want to serve their country," said Jacob Reitan, co-director of the national campaign, which organized another event Wednesday in New York. "For folks who are gay or lesbian, who are not willing to hide the sexual orientation to serve, it's an unjust burden to put on someone who is willing to serve for their country."

Matt Hill Comer, a 20-year-old UNCG sophomore, said it took him two months to make his decision. Comer has been active in gay and lesbian rights issues for years.

"There's a war going on in Iraq," Comer said. "I knew if the military were to accept me, I'd have a good possibility of going to Iraq or Afghanistan ... In the end, I decided I love my country enough to defend it."

Because we all know gay people have never contributed to the defeat of evil and the defense of freedom before. Certainly not him. Or him. Or him (who the Mormons excommunicated twice -- one more time than the military kicked him out).

"When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."

Let them serve.

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:59 PM
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To Prove We're Not Violent, We Will Kill You

A friend of mine who escaped Syria 20 years ago tells me there's no Arabic word for "irony." Maybe he's just pulling my leg, but if he's not, I certainly understand why there's not.

It seems radical Muslims are upset that the pope referred to a several-hundred-year-old assessment that Mohammed was "evil and inhuman." (Hat tip: Boi from Troy) In their outrage of such slander, some of those same nutjobs are calling for the pope's death.

Choudary's appeal for the death of Pope Benedict was the second time he has been linked with apparent incitement to murder within a year.

The 39-year-old lawyer organised demonstrations against the publication of cartoons of Mohammed in February in Denmark. Protesters carried placards declaring "Behead Those Who Insult Islam".

Yesterday he said: "The Muslims take their religion very seriously and non-Muslims must appreciate that and that must also understand that there may be serious consequences if you insult Islam and the prophet.

"Whoever insults the message of Mohammed is going to be subject to capital punishment."

Now I would never insult the founder of anyone's religion, even if he was, say, a child molester or a fraud or a thief -- so BaT avoids the hangman's noose. Although, we'd probably be stoned or just be buried under rocks long before anyone learned we said nasty things about their "prophets."

Not that we're big fans of the Catholic Church, either. Its leaders and followers have had their bad moments, but lately -- oh say the last 200 to 300 years -- they've stuck to feeling up kids than ramming airplanes into buildings. So we tend to take the pope's side on this one. Responding to suggestions that your religious icon is evil by calling for the death of the person making the comments seems to be counterintuitive.

All of this leads to the assertion that Europe is going to sh*t. The clash of civilizations -- Western vs. Medieval -- is under way there, and if history does indeed repeat itself, it will be in Europe where the war is fought. Some in the West understand this threat and hope to prevent another world war by being tough with Iran and Syria over nuclear ambitions and terrorist support.

But, when we allow ourselves to think darkly, the international policy experts at BaT understand that most in the West will not "get it" until there's a major tragedy. It is a common theme, seen throughout the last century, where we react too slowly, then too timidly, then too violently.

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:40 PM
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The Devil's In The Details

Chinese doctors say they performed the first penis transplant only to remove the foreign phallus after the recepient and his wife experienced mental anguish that is common after such procedures.

Despite how shocking and radical the operation sounds, it involves standard microsurgery techniques to reconnect blood vessels and nerves.

From a medical point of view, "the main hurdle is the functional recovery," said Dr. W.P. Andrew Lee, chief of plastic surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center.

From arm and leg reattachments, it's known that nerve regrowth occurs at a rate of about an inch a month and often is insufficient to allow normal use, he said.

However, the ethical and psychological challenges in such cases can be even more paramount, as this and other recent transplants involving hands and faces illustrate.

"Some of the considerations for a penile transplant are the same as for a hand or face transplant," such as the need to take lifelong immune-suppressing drugs to prevent rejection of the new organ, Lee said.

But through extensive research, BaT has uncovered what we believe to be the real reason the offending, um, piece was removed.

Ten days after the operation, which had been approved by the hospital's medical ethical committee, the recipient had been able to urinate.

There had been no signs of the 10-centimetre (4-inch) organ being rejected by the recipient's body. But Hu said more cases and longer observation are needed to determine whether sexual sensation and function can be restored.

I'd be, um, pretty p*ssed as well if the doctors put a below-average penis on me while I was asleep. In fact, I'd demand a refund!

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 5:27 PM
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The Trouble With Lying

Former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey's book comes out tomorrow -- two years after he himself came out amidst charges of political corruption and sexual harassment. McGreevey and his partner will also appear on "Oprah" to promote the book.

... McGreevey told Oprah Winfrey that he first bedded the man who would become a central figure in his downfall while his wife was hospitalized for the birth of their child, according to audience members who spoke to Associated Press.

The nation's first openly gay governor told Winfrey he believed he was in love with the man, said two audience members who agreed to speak only on condition of anonymity because the talk-show host asked them not to divulge the contents of the broadcast.

McGreevey said the encounter was one of countless lies and betrayals he felt compelled to perpetuate during his rise to power as a closeted gay man, according to the audience members who attended Tuesday's two-hour taping of the show in Chicago.

Your wife -- yes, your wife! -- is in the hospital giving life to your offspring and you're chasing trade? You, a twice-married father of two -- sneak around having sex in bookstores and truck stops so you can keep your precious political power? And we're supposed to feel sorry for you in some way?

I tell you who I feel sorry for ... I feel sorry for your poor wife. Maybe we can cut you break with the first marriage. A lot of gay men have been there. They think maybe they can change. They feel societal pressure to confirm. They get married and are miserable. Often, they divorce and find their true selves.

Others, however, continue to live the lie. Men like James McGreevey.

If you want to be in the closet, fine. That's your right. But don't drag some innocent woman (assuming she didn't know you were lying scum when she married you and she played along to satisfy her own lust for fame) and your children along on your fake fairy tale. Wallow in your own misery, but don't ruin other people's lives.

There was no need to remarry nor have another child ... no need to continue the lie. You had your "beard."

"Hey, I'm straight! I have an ex-wife and kid to show for it! Vote for me!"

It's not McGreevey's decades in the closet that p*sses me off so much. It's not his random sexual encounters with men, followed by unsafe sex with his wives (two kids, remember?). It's not even that his daughters will grow up knowing their father's entire public life was a lie and that, once caught sleeping (or harassing ... who knows who to believe) an aide, he resigned then sold his soul in a book deal.

No, it's the reason why he did all of those horrible, disgusting things.

He wanted to be powerful. He did what he did so he could be governor of a state best known for turnpikes and "Italian trash haulers." So before we shed any tears for James McGreevey or enshrined him in the Gay Hall of Fame, remember his motivation for his previous 47 years and his motivation in these last two.

"I knew I would have to lie for the rest of my life -- and I knew I was capable of it," McGreevey wrote. "The knowledge gave me a feeling of terrible power."

And this is a man the gay community is suppose to cheer? I'll pass.

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:41 PM
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Blogging Interrupted

Two important presentations this week and guests in town for the weekend means a dormant BaT for the last few days. Maybe things will return to normalcy (or as close as it gets around here) next week.

1 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:58 AM
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Defying ChiCom Censorship

At last, one of the "big" Internet companies is refusing to kowtow to Communist China's repression of free speech. And Jimmy Wales, founder of Wikipedia -- which is currently blocked by the Great Firewall -- is challenging others to reverse course and put principles above pounds.

Wales said censorship was 'antithetical to the philosophy of Wikipedia. We occupy a position in the culture that I wish Google would take up, which is that we stand for the freedom for information, and for us to compromise I think would send very much the wrong signal: that there's no one left on the planet who's willing to say "You know what? We're not going to give up." '

Wikipedia's entry on the Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 includes the government's official claim that 200-300 died and the Chinese student associations and Chinese Red Cross's estimate of 2,000-3,000 deaths.

Wales said: 'I think it's an interesting question whether they're prepared to understand the difference between advocating one set of figures or another versus simply reporting on what the controversy is. I can understand that they would be upset - although of course I still don't think they have any moral right to ban anything - if we were pushing one set of figures in contrast to their objections, but if we are reporting both, to me that's exactly what an encyclopaedia should do and they should be comfortable with that.'

Let's hope Wales and Wikipedia stick to this position. And it's actions like this why BaT continues to link to Wikipedia, despite objections that the content can sometimes be tainted by politics -- and why we've considered for some time now to stop linking to Yahoo! news stories.

We don't expect less from an Alabama boy (and Auburn graduate) like Jimbo Wales.

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:20 PM
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Never Forget

0 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:52 AM
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You Don't Get To Pick Your Amendments

There's no slippery slope here. When anti-Second Amendment forces launch a Web site called "licensetomurder" to describe self-defense, it's pretty clear what the agenda is. (Hat tip: Instapundit)

Ronald Dixon, now 31, is a Jamaican immigrant and father of two who served in the U.S. Navy from 1994 to 1997 in "weapons ordnance" and now holds down two computer-related jobs. On Dec. 14, 2002, Dixon caught an intruder rifling through drawers in his son's room in his home in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Mr. Dixon fired two shots from his 9 mm pistol, wounding the suspected burglar in the chest and groin, The New York Post reported.

The burglar turned out to be a career criminal with a 14-page rap sheet. He'd been arrested 19 times and been convicted of criminal trespass, burglary and attempted assault. Still, authorities charged Mr. Dixon with illegal possession of a firearm when they discovered his legally purchased gun was not registered in New York. (He had tried to register it, without success.) He served time in the same jail as his attacker.

But the last straw for American defenders of the God-given right to self-defense may have been the case of Melvin Spaulding, 71, arrested for attempted murder and held without bail in 2003 after he ran to the defense of a 63-year-old friend and neighbor being beaten by thugs in front of his home in St. Petersburg, Fla. -- shooting one of the assailants.

When not calling self-defense a license to murder, Second Amendment opponents like to refer to recently enacted self-defense laws as "shoot-first." In reality, however, it strips from many state laws the requirement that a citizen who is under attack or home invasion must first seek to escape before defending himself/herself.

Once an invader comes into a private citizen's home, there's no need for questioning intent or threat level. You can talk to and reason with him all you want; meanwhile, I'll be trying to hire a cleaner to get his blood out of my new berber carpet.

No "wild, wild West" here. Just self-defense.

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:09 PM
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The Miracle Baby

The Noah's Arc: The Complete First Season box set has arrived at BaT HQ, so blogging is light tonight.

But if we were blogging tonight, we would be blogging about future "Omen" star and miracle baby Suri Cruise. And they do these kinds of things much better over at Trent's Pink Is The New Blog and Defamer. BaT will leave analysis of the wig-wearin' Child of Satan to the experts.

Meanwhile, back to what is described as "the best show on Logo." (We wouldn't know ... Comcast won't carry that network. Rent all the straight porn you care to rent via pay-per-view, but a queenie black foursome of friends ... uh-uh, nope.)

2 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:53 PM
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Super-cide Or Murder?

At BaT, we'll have to get over that Ben Affleck (ugh) is portraying Superman -- or at least portraying the man who portrayed Superman -- and see this conspiracy flick.

George Reeves, whose work as TV's Man of Steel would set the Superman screen standard for decades, died in his Benedict Canyon home from a gunshot to the head. The coroner ruled it suicide. The new film "Hollywoodland," which opens Friday, suggests Reeves might have been murdered.

Ben Affleck portrays Reeves, Diane Lane is his rich mistress, Bob Hoskins is her studio-boss husband and Adrien Brody is a third-rate private eye trying to prove it was murder. ...

Reeves, who had married and divorced in the early 1940s, was having an affair with Toni Mannix, a former "Ziegfeld Follies" beauty who was married to Eddie Mannix, a former bouncer who became a powerful executive at MGM. Mannix was aware of his wife's affair but didn't intervene; he had his own mistress.

Toni Mannix lavished gifts on her lover, including his house, furnishings, car and elegant wardrobe. The largesse failed to improve his spirits, which grew increasingly worse as acting jobs eluded him. In a blow to Mrs. Mannix, Reeves announced his engagement to Lenore Lemmon, a twice-married New Yorker.

Late on the night of June 16, 1959, Reeves and Lemmon were drinking with two friends in the living room of his house. "I'm tired; I'm going to bed," Reeves said, and he disappeared upstairs. A few moments later came the crack of a 30-calibre Luger. Reeves, 45, was dead.

BaT's favorite conspiracy theory: The husband of his mistress killed Reeves because Reeves was dumping her. Now that's husbandly love!

4 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 7:51 PM
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Cocktail of the Week -- Are You Ready for Some Football? Edition

The late, great Lewis Grizzard, a rapid Georgia fan, once summed up Southerners obsession with college football in a description of himself: "I'm Bulldog born and Bulldog breed, and when I die, I'll be by-god Bulldog dead." (Yes, Lewis was a Dawg alright, which may explain those three divorces. But we digress.)

Tennessee Vol Beachgirl (you can tell a Tennessee fan, but you can't tell him much) reminded me of this as she sent along a few oldies-but-goodies college football jokes as most teams' seasons begin tomorrow. I particularly like the differences between football above the Mason-Dixon line and football below it. Here are a few ...

Women's Accessories

NORTH: Burt's Bees chapstick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Campus Decor

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen

NORTH: Also physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Tailgating

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Commentary (Male)

NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: Dammit, you slow sumbitch -- tackle him and break his legs!

Commentary (Female)

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!

Now on to this week's cocktail: The Touchdown.

Ingredients

4 oz. bourbon (of course)
8 oz. lemonade
8 oz. iced tea (unsweetened) (Editor's note: Was this drink invented by a Yankee? BaT: Let's hope it was a diabetic.)

Instructions

Combine the bourbon with the iced tea in a mixing glass filled with ice. Strain equal parts into two Hurricane glasses filled with ice. Top with the lemonade. (Makes two 12-oz. servings.)

Drink several, then go break that sumbitch's legs!

P.S.: Grizzard's greatest line ever came when he was advising Atlanta residents on how to evacuate the city in case of nuclear war: "If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285."

(Only Duane might get that joke. But for those of you unfamiliar with Grizzard and Atlanta, I'll explain. Grizzard hated Yankees. A lot of Yankees moved to Atlanta during the '80s economic boom. I-285 is the loop around Atlanta ... it's just a big circle.)

Cheers!