Ladies And Gentlemen, I Present The Proof

For those of us whose gaydar binga-banged rapidly every time Talan was featured on the so-fake "Laguna Beach" "reality" show, we officially have "The Beard."

Perhaps inspired by the marriage-minded moves made by her good friends Paris and Nicky Hilton, Kimberly Stewart has gone ahead and taken the engagement plunge.

Stewart, the 26-year-old daughter of rocker Rod Stewart, has announced that she is betrothed to Laguna Beach star Talan Torriero, 19, whom she has been dating for anywhere from one week to two months, according to varying published reports.

(E! Online's own Party Girl, Lara Morgenson, who has encountered the pair out and about on her rounds, pegs the budding romance at about two weeks old.)

Isn't he a little young to worry about cultivating a beard? That's, you know, for older guys.

And she's only 26? Good god, she looks 46. I mean, her old man (i.e., father) has to be close to 80.

Let's just call it brain damage and pretend the whole thing never happened. The romance has been going on for a couple of weeks. The current book on the marriage lasting that long is 6:1. Of course, in Hollywood, where the queers stay married longer than the straights, that's hardly a long shot.