Some New, Old Movies

It's Monday, it's rainy and I'm uninspired to research a new topic. So let's take a look at some recent additions to the BaT DVD collection:

1. The Outlaw Josey Wales

With Clint Eastwood as star and director, "The Outlaw Josey Wales" is Eastwood's attempt to heal America's wounds after Vietnam. To do so, he brings us Josey Wales, a Missouri farmer turned Confederate guerrilla following his family's murders by Union loyalists. After the end of the war, Wales refuses to end his campaign for vengeance. He becomes a wanted man, and during is search for his family's killers, he finds another family of others who have been left behind: an old Cherokee Indian, a young squaw disowned by her tribe, an old woman and her granddaughter and others.

The message of the movie is: We all need somebody.

There are some great lines in this movie, and my favorite exchanges are between Wales (Eastwood) and the "civilized" old Cherokee Indian, Lone Waite (played by the late Chief Dan George):

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
Lone Watie: I notice when you get to dislikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.

Now that is writing.

2. Eating Out

Straight boy with gay roommate wants girl with gay roommate. Girl hates straight boys, even though she's straight. Straight boy pretends to be gay, dates girl's gay roommate. Hilarity ensues.

Now I have to admit, I bought this DVD after my friend, The Computer Guy, went on and on about it. It didn't win any Academy Awards (although it has won honors at several gay film festivals -- but then aren't all film festivals gay?). But it is cute in its own way, and Ryan Carnes is in it. Enough said. And if that isn't enough, former American Idol gay icon Jim Verraros (you know, the one with the deaf parents) plays Kyle -- gay roommate to the straight boy.

And as in all great gay movies (see "Sordid Lives"), there are some wonderful one-liners:

After Caleb (straight boy) confesses to Kyle (Verraros) that he's afraid of being ravished on his fake gay date, Kyle says: We're not pirates. We just dress like them.

Jamie (straight boy's sister): You're a reality show without a camera crew.

Caleb: Do I look gay?
Kyle: Like an insatiable bottom.

And no gay party is complete until someone quotes Gwen (straight girl), who upon finding out that yet another of her boyfriends is actually gay, says:

"I feel like a turnstile at the White Party!"

3. Mississippi Burning

Gene Hackman won Oscars for his roles in "The French Connection" and "Unforgiven" (another great Eastwood film), but "Mississippi Burning" is my favorite Hackman movie. He plays the part of Southern sheriff turned FBI agent, Rupert Anderson. Anderson and partner Alan Ward (Willem Dafoe) come to a small Mississippi town to investigate the disappearance of three civil rights workers. Ward works by the book; Anderson prefers to operate "differently." Together, they solve the crime -- but only after gaining the trust of each other and a town resident who does the right thing.

Hackman is brilliant as Anderson, who seeks justice without the preachiness of Ward. A couple of Hackman-as-Anderson quotes:

Ward: Some things are worth dying for.
Anderson: Down here, things are different. Here, they believe that some things are worth killing for.

Anderson: (While grabbing one of the redneck killers by the crotch) Now you listen here, Shitkicker! Don't you go confusin' me with some whole other body. You must be thinkin' with your dick if you think we're gonna just walk away from this. We're gonna stay 'till this gets done.

Anderson: Make no mistake about it. I'll cut your head clean off and not give a damn how it reads in the report sheet!

And you believe him, too.

4. Steel Magnolias

Now I've seen this movie a hundred times -- like all good gay Southerners. This is our movie. It seemed only right to buy the DVD, especially since the VHS tape went bad years ago. With an all-star cast -- Sally Field, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, Dylan McDermott and DOLLY FREAKIN' PARTON -- how could we not love it. It's a story of friendship, love and loss surrounding the girls who hang out at Truvy's Beauty Parlor in a small Louisiana town.

There are lines in "Steel Magnolias" that you simply must know if you expect to understand any conversation with a group of gay Southerners. Here's your quick primer:

Clairee (Dukakis): I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy (Parton): Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Clairee: All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick or Steve.

Shelby (Roberts): Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.
Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from premenstrual syndrome.

Truvy: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

Clairee: I love ya more than my luggage.

Ouiser (MacLaine): I'm not crazy, I've just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years!

Clairee: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Clairee: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself.

Oh, and if you're visiting the South and make some kind of air-headed statement, don't be surprised to hear in reply, "Drink your juice, Shelby." Watch the movie and you'll understand why.