So Where Do We Begin?

Thanks, Blogger, for eating half a post. Let's start over ...

Much has happened since we last gathered. Or not happened.

First, the Oscars. We couldn't watch the whole ceremony ... we don't have eight spare hours on the weekend to do so. But the highlights for us were few anyway. Here they are:

Forest Whitaker. Winner. Love him.

Martin Scorsese. Winner. Finally. Should have won 25 years ago.

Ellen. Funny. Most of the time.

Jerry Seinfeld. Funnier. "Five incredibly depressing movies." A riot. And yawning as Leo DiCaprio (who can't carry Forest Whitaker's lunch ... and he had two chances this year alone!) and Algore slobbered on with each other.

We won't even discuss the former vice president and the glorified PowerPoint presentation he calls a documentary. Instead, this article from the "independent, nonprofit and nonpartisan" -- translation: libertarian -- Tennessee Center for Policy Research pretty much sums up that gas bag. (Disclaimer: In another life, I knew a TCPR staffer, and in 1988, I volunteered on the Gore presidential campaign.)

Gore's mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES).

In his documentary, the former Vice President calls on Americans to conserve energy by reducing electricity consumption at home.

The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh -- more than 20 times the national average.

Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh -- guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore's average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.

Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore's energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006.

Keep that in mind the next time the fat blow-hard takes up 10 minutes of our lives lecturing us on what we should do. Hey, Al, your 15 minutes ended about the time Monica took it on her blue dress. Now ride off into the sunset and count your oil bribes.

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Enough about the Oscars. Dictator-lovin' Looney Louie is back in the news. He says his "time is up." No mention if that "up" includes a spaceship. Eighty days and count, eh?

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Yeah, yeah, Americans hate their jobs. Particularly Americans under 25. Blah blah. I remember when we had to walk to the Starbucks on the first floor of the office building. Uphill. Both ways. Whiners.

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So what hasn't changed? Anna Nicole Smith and James Brown are still dead. And not buried.

Playboy Centerfold: 18 days and counting, body still in the morgue.

Soul Brotha No. 1: Two months, body in an undisclosed location -- but in a gold casket. Style even in the end.

Oh, and Al Gore is still a pompous a-hole.