Blame The Booze 101

Actually, we could call this PR 101 ... when in doubt, after having your tragic, pathetic shortcomings exposed (so to speak!), claim substance abuse and immediately check yourself into rehab.

Famous actor previously criticized for anti-Semetic opinions and upon your arrest spew more "the-Jews-are-to-blame" garbage "in a moment of insanity"? Check into rehab. Seldomly funny comedienne accused -- among other things -- of lewd acts upon a child? Check into rehab. Fat golfer who throws his wife into walls? Check into rehab. Congressman from America's most dysfunctional family who crashes his car while "sleep-driving"? Check into rehab.

And the list goes on and on ...

Add another one -- not surprisingly, another congressman, too.

Disgraced former Rep. Mark Foley sought treatment for alcoholism and "other behavioral problems" as Republicans on Monday picked a new candidate to salvage the seat that Foley abandoned after exchanging lurid online messages with teenage boys. ...

Foley resigned Friday after reports surfaced that he sent sexually explicit e-mails and instant messages to male teenage pages. He quickly went into seclusion and released a statement that he was seeking treatment.

"Painfully, the events that led to my resignation have crystalized recognition of my long-standing significant alcohol and emotional difficulties," he said. "I strongly believe that I am an alcoholic and have accepted the need for immediate treatment for alcoholism and other behavioral problems."

He added: "I deeply regret and accept full responsibility for the harm I have caused."

"Other behavioral problems"? Now that may be the understatement of the year -- and we've had some doozies in 2006. OK, Congressman, er, ex-Congressman Foley ... we've overlooked your denials for the past 10 years that you're gay. We understand. Those old blue-hairs in South Florida don't like the queers -- unless they're doing their Tuesday afternoon style. And at least you didn't marry twice and slip around giving afternoon delights to truckers.

But sending dirty e-mails to teenaged boys? Good Lord, man, you're over 50! You don't make anyone 16 horny unless American Express and a WeHo street corner is involved. Grow up, come out and get on with your life. At least seek comfort in knowing there's a book in your future. There always is.

P.S. Kinkyrhombus, is that enough of a rant? I could go on, but I have to pack.

P.S.S. Speaking of packing, blogging could be light to nonexistent for the rest of the week. BaT takes its show on the road. Free time will be precious, and most likely will be spent drinking the stress away.