Breakfast at Tiffany's – Because I Do Not Know

It's Official: Katie Holmes Gives Birth

Tommy Tooth probably came out of the closet for this: his brainwashed little beard gave birth to a baby girl.

The Tomkitten has arrived. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, the high-profile pair dubbed TomKat by the media, had a baby girl Tuesday, said Cruise spokesman Arnold Robinson. The baby, named Suri, weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces and measured 20 inches long, he said.

"Both mother and daughter are doing well," Robinson said in a prepared statement.

The name Suri has its origins in Hebrew, meaning "princess," or in Persian, meaning "red rose," the statement said.

While I am disturbed that this child will be raised in a cult, and I'm comforted to know that any future problems she may have will not result from genetics -- that is unless her really father is a nutjob, too.

Defamer is thinking along the same line and dubs the child the "Miracle Baby."

According to a press release, "both mother and daughter are doing well." We assume they're referring to Katie Holmes, not the actual biological parent who's tending the child while Holmes tries to chew through her wrist restraints and escape during the bedlam following the birth announcement.

Defamer readers are taking note of an unusual -- or maybe not so unusual -- event. Brooke Shields, who has been feuding with Tommy Tooth, also gave birth today -- naming her child something far less stupid.

Shields' new addition, named Grier Hammond, is the second child for her and husband, Chris Henchy, 42, a screenwriter (Entourage). The couple's oldest daughter, Rowan, turns 3 next month.

"Antichrist vs. "Anti-Anti-Christ," the folks over at Defamer say. I have to agree. Everytime I see the vacant look in Katie Holmes' eyes, I can only think of Lee Remick as Kathy Thorn asking, "Wrong? What could be wrong with our child, Robert? We're the beautiful people, aren't we?"

And we all know how that child turned out ...

3 comments Jake McCafferty last posted at 6:15 PM
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3 Comments:

The thing that really bugs me is the report that a)Tom refuses to allow Katie a Catholic Baptism for their daughter and b)that Tom wants Katie to sign a pre-nup giving him full custody of Suri if they ever break up.

Assuming that both stories are true,the pre-nup is the most disturbing. Lots of parents argue over what religion,if any,to teach their kids(Scientology claims to have no probelm with their members being Christian,Jewish,etc). This demand to keep the baby at all costs sounds so damn Rumplestillskin-does Katie have a room full of gold spun from straw somewhere?

Also,Tom shares custody of his other children with Nicole,but then again,they're adopted so maybe it's some twisted need of his to control his own bloodline. That or Nicole would kick his ass if he even thought about pulling that crap with her:)

By lady t, at 8:23 AM

I'm going with the Nicole kicking his ass theory. He's so revolting.

By Jake McCafferty, at 5:05 PM

i wonder if he actually ate the placenta and the umbilical cord.

eww.

By kinkyrhombus, at 2:07 AM