Do As I Say, Not As I Do

God help me, but when I was a reporter I loved doing these "gotcha" stories:

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.

Gas prices have gone above $3 a gallon again, and that means it's time for another round of congressional finger-pointing.

"Since George Bush and Dick Cheney took over as president and vice president, gas prices have doubled!" charged Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.), standing at an Exxon station on Capitol Hill where regular unleaded hit $3.10. "They are too cozy with the oil industry."

She then hopped in a waiting Chrysler LHS (18 mpg) -- even though her Senate office was only a block away.

Don't worry, they go after Republicans and Democrats alike -- although you expect Republicans to drive gas-guzzlers since, you know, they hate the environment and club baby seals during their two-hour martini lunches at the country club. But oil-hatin' liberals in oversized SUVs for that excruciatingly long one block trip? Get outta here.

Oh, and Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Indiana, is the one with the 60-mpg Prius? I wonder if he likes to smell his own farts? Smug alert!

One of my favorite tricks back in my professional journalism days was to repay some politician (who acted like a jackass toward me or some other little guy out there) by filing a public records request for his cellphone bill (back in the days where you were charged for every minute) hoping to catch him using the public phone for personal business. Or wait a few weeks after all the council members came back from some beachside "conference" and do a records request for their hotel and restaurant bills.

Nothing gave me more pleasure than typing the lead paragraph as follows: "City Councilman (insert jackass' name here) frequently comments in meetings that he is as careful with the city's money as he is with his own. In that case, he must dine on lobster every night, since upon returning from a trip to a recent conference, he billed the city for a $235 dinner. On the menu? Shrimp cocktail, a dinner salad, lobster, mixed vegetables and a slice of cheesecake -- with strawberry topping. He drank sweet tea."

Bottom line: Before you start lecturing me on conservation, get your own house in order. By the way, my own vehicle reportedly gets 16 mpg in the city and 22 on the highway, for a combined mpg of 18. Equal to fat Ted Kennedy's minivan.

Speaking of Senator Chappaquiddick, he's all in favor of alternative energy sources -- as long as they don't block his view.