The Cult Of Tommy Tooth

Cult expert Rick Ross is on a roll against Scientology -- thanks in large part to Tommy Tooth, Chef and the "South Park" uproar.

1. Did Isaac Hayes quit "South Park" after the famous -- and quite hilarious -- Scientology "Trapped in the Closet" episode or did someone else do it for him since he suffered a stroke in January?

2. The schizophrenic son of a senior counselor for Scientology is accused of stabbing her to death. In line with her "religion," she refused to get him professional help. Instead, he was prescribed vitamins, because -- you remember Tommy vs. Matt Lauer, right? -- psychiatry is a pseudo-science. Now, a mother is dead and her son faces the death penalty.

3. The TomKat team has its Scientology sights set on another celebrity couple, Posh Spice and that Meterosexual Soccer Star she's married to. Posh is lined up to be that scary little girl's birthing partner. Hey, wait, isn't that Tom's job? Well, I guess if he wasn't there for the conception -- cough, turkey baster, cough -- there's no need for him to be there for the birth.

4. Fellow Tommy Tooth cultee John Travolta, who was also trapped in the "South Park" closet and henceforth will be known as Vinnie Revolta, will soon have Devine spinning in his/her grave. In the new film version of "Hairspray," Revolta will play Edna Turnblad -- the role Divine made famous on the big screen and Harvey Fierstein continued on the stage.

As Ross points out, it seems rather odd -- curiouser and curiouser! -- that Revolta would go in drag when his beloved L. Ron Huckster once said that gay people "should be taken from ... society as rapidly as possible" because "no social order will survive which does not remove these people from its midst."

You can read Ross' full Scientology archive here. And if you haven't seen "Trapped in the Closet," you can watch what Tommy Tooth and Vinnie Revolta don't want you to see here.