Breakfast at Tiffany's – Because I Do Not Know

"The Greatest"

Let's file this one under "cultural commentary" rather than fluff. During the brief weekend downtime, I watched part of "The Greatest" series on VH1. This particular episode was the "100 Greatest Moments that Rocked TV." Number 1? Bill Clinton's 1992 saxophone-playing appearance on "The Arsenio Hall Show." I agree that then-Gov. Clinton's opening rendition of "Heartbreak Hotel," followed by his sitdown interview with Arsenio certainly was a defining moment of his campaign.

But the top moment "that rocked TV"? Ahead of Michael Jackson's electrifying Moonwalk on the Motown anniversary special (ranked No. 2) or the Beatles on "Ed Sullivan" (No. 3)? Ahead of "MTV Unplugged" featuring Nirvana shortly before Kurt Cobain's death (No. 14) or Sonny and Cher singing "I've Got You, Babe" reunion on Letterman shortly before then Congressman Bono's death (No. 20).

At least those were in the top 20. Elvis on "Ed Sullivan" -- the famous "waist-up-only" telecast came it at No. 24. Bette Midler's wonderful goodbye to Johnny Carson finished at 47th -- three places behind VH1's self-serving ranking of "Behind the Music" at 44th (a show I once watched, but ahead of Carson's farewell? C'mon). Aretha Franklin's lesson to wannabe divas finished 69th (another VH1-produced show), while Milli Vanilli's live (actually live, not the fake live) performance on Arsenio was 63rd -- six spots ahead of one of the greatest TV performances of all time. What, was Arsenio Hall one of the judges for this? But the greatness that is Cher is recognized at least three times: the duet with Sonny, her guest appearance on "Will & Grace" and the premiere of "The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour." All is not lost.

Some other notable from "The Greatest" series:

100 Hottest Hotties: Ashton Kutcher (No. 3) ahead of Johnny Depp (No. 5), Brad Pitt (No. 6), Jude Law (No. 29), Heath Ledger (No. 39), LL Cool J (No. 47) ... I believe Demi Moore took Arsenio's place on the judging committee for this one.
50 Greatest Teen Idols: Britney Spears (No. 1) ... shoot me now. Ashton Kutcher all the way back at No. 14 -- behind Michael J. Fox! So he's not even a top 10 teen idol but he's the third hottest hottie of all time?
100 Sexiest Artists: Madonna, Elvis, JoLo ... hard to argue against those three, although I'd take Prince (No. 5) over big, Puerto Rican booty. But I'm biased.
100 Greatest Songs of Rock 'n' Roll: No. 1 -- "Satisfaction," The Rolling Stones; No. 2 -- "Respect," Ms. Franklin; No. 3 -- "Stairway to Heaven," Zepplin. The whole list, really, is superb. And perhaps it says something that none of them appear to have been released after 1980 or so.
100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders: "Rico Suave" is No. 9. However, I could watch that video all day ... with the sound off.
100 Greatest Shocking Moments in Rock 'n' Roll: John Lennon's murder is at the top of the list. Cobain's death at No. 4; Marvin Gaye's murder at No. 5. In fact, someone had to be killed or groped to make it into the top six. Lipsynching Milli Vanilli ranks seventh; Jerry Lee Lewis is at 13th (one rank for each year of the cousin/child he married); Pam and Tommy's video romp took 20th. Was anyone shocked by these three moments? Milli Vanilli can't sing? No way. Jerry Lee and a cousin/child? In Ferriday, Louisiana? Get outta here. A wife gives her husband head while riding down the highway? OK, maybe that one is a shock to most married men. It's just another day in the life of us 'mos.
50 Greatest Hip-Hop Artists: Run DMC at No. 1. DMX at No. 23. I must comfort him. Perhaps Tommy and Pam's SUV is free.
100 Greatest Women of Rock 'n' Roll: Janis rank third behind Aretha (No. 1) and Tina Turner (No. 2, and everyone duck 'cause Ike ain't happy); Cher at ... gasp ... 43, behind Bjork (No. 36), k.d. lang (No. 33), Joan Jett (No. 32), Joan Baez (No. 27), Grace Slick (No. 20) and Bonnie Raitt (No. 4). Obviously, the lesbians kicked both Arsenio and Demi off the judging panel and staged a flannel coup.

That was entirely too much on this topic. Tomorrow, I'll balance it with a discussion of how China is cooling its economic jets through a series of reforms designed to prevent a Japan-like overheating. Just kidding ...

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